⊹˚₊♡ I hate Capitalism ♡ ₊˚⊹
6/17/24: Sorry I abandoned my blog for a bit. I started an ~internship~. It went pretty well for the first few weeks, and then I started to notice subtle ways that people would talk down to me. My entire team is men, I'm the only girl, and I don't see any of them talking to each other the way they talk to me. I wish I had another girl on this team. Good news tho I learned how to make my own C2 :D
ps: thank you everyone who has left such nice comments! i love coming back here and seeing the things people say.
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⊹˚₊♡ Feminism and STEM ♡ ₊˚⊹
4/24/24: Im not a good writer, and I won’t pretend to be. It’s probably because I haven’t practiced. Ive been told im a very perspicuous but I dont understand it. However, I used to think the same way about me and computer science. Computer science was always the thing that all the boys I hung around with in high school were interested in, and I always had the self belief that I would never be smart enough to comprehend anything computer, or even science related, yet it still fascinated me. I think this is where my internalized misogyny really took root. I believed I was always second to any man. Inherently less intelligent. Hopeless, even. I fantasized (the faculty or activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable) about being smart, good with computers, good at math, good at video games, good at anything that seemed an intrinsic skill for men. But thats all it was to me, a fantasy, unable to be obtained. So I resigned myself to the belief that science and that pesky left brain, masculine, thinking was simply not who I was. Instead, I am only the artsy fartsy girl who absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, do math. leave that for the boys.
Then something changed?
This fantasy lay dormant for probably a decade, maybe even my entire life. Until I- on a Whim - decided to enroll in university, and study cybersecurity.
What?
Cybersecurity?
Computer Science?
Aren’t you just a stupid girl? Biologically, your brain isn’t cut out for that kind of thinking, that way of life!
There is an incredibly specific niche of trauma that you ingest growing up as a girl online. There’s grooming, exploitation, manipulation, etc. But when you are a young girl who also plays video games, *cough* World of Warcraft *cough*, you grow up around incredibly dangerous misogynists masquerading as your closest friends.
These are the men who will hammer into your small, malleable skull that you are a second class human, obsolete, worthless. You could never be as good as us at this video game, you are an idiot girl, haha just kidding! Smiles :)
I know that I’m not alone in being a chronic tomboy. For better or worse, I have always been more interested in activities where the majority of the members are men. It started online, an early obsession with the internet, computers, and video games; into an adult obsession with the internet, computers, and video games. But with a touch more paranoia about security.
I floundered and was miserable within an ecosystem of online testosterone. Pursuing STEM as an act of feminist rebellion is my apology to my younger self who truly believed I was inherently stupid. While yes, I am obviously very interested in what I study- it is fucking hard. I still struggle with feeling like I’m not smart enough, and a persistent case of imposter syndrome. But I feel it is my duty to myself, and other women to show that it can be done, women can do it too.Now this isn’t to say I live my life in pursuit of having men see me as, I dont know, a fucking human being but I think a huge reason why I felt I was too stupid to pursue CS is because, well, there weren’t really any girls around me in school that were interested in computer science / cybersecurity.
This is my long winded way of saying, if you are a fem identifying person, who is even the slightest bit interested in any STEM subject. Please just go for it.
